He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
