you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
