haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
