Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
