Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
