Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
