im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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