I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
