i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
