YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize