And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
