so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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