I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
