dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
