he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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