my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
