I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
