and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
