id be glad to
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
