I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
