do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
