he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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