White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
