Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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