so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
