margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
