i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize