I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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