I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
