We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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