sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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