I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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