Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
