end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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