If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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