im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
