Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
