A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
