I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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