they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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