but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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