they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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