I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
