I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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