when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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