Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
