no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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