His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
