Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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