I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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