I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
