Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
