I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
