Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
