hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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