Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
