I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize