her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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