you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
