Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm too high and old for this...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
