I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
