Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
