Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
