What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
