You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
