so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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