I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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