Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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