have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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