I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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