90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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