I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
