So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
