u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize