Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
