Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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