I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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