I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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