Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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